A Threat Among Us
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: When a penguin does that which is taboo...


"You're under arrest!" howled Skipper as he pointed the barrel of his shotgun at the perpetrator.

"Who are you anyway?" grunted Kowalski as he aimed his gun as well.

The penguin-shaped figure stepped out of the shadows. "I'm so sorry…" sniffled a soft voice.

Skipper gasped. "Cheese and crackers! It's Private!"

"Why have you done such a vile offence?" growled Kowalski as he looked down at the ground and saw Rico on a grill with barbecue sauce all over him.

Rico wailed as he felt the burns on his penguin toxy.

"No one said I couldn't…" Private said edgily as he drew twin pistols and shot corn kernels at Skipper and Kowalski.

Skipper was able to dodge the bullet, but Kowalski was not as fortunate.

"Tell that Dolphin that I…" Kowalski then fell to the ground and pushed up his daisies.

Skipper wept and wept and then took out the TNT barrel he had received from DK at Carnival Night Zone. He tossed it at Private and he blew up into seventeen separate pieces.

Rico cried as he lit on fire.

"I'll save you, soldier!" screamed Skipper. But it was too late because Private used the ultimate magic to shoot his soul into a jar of refried beans.

"Death to the evil one…" growled the canned penguin as he lifted the lid.

Skipper watched in horror as the moist brown substance leaked upon Rico's flaming noggin.

Kowalski arose after having ingested his 1up Mushroom and took out the eggnog. He threw it at Private and the chemical reaction of beans and eggs destroy his central nervous system. Kowalski knew how to do that because of his genius genes.

"He is still not defeated!" cried Skipper as Private's soul jumped out of the can and into his fallen beak. He used his tongue to snatch the other sixteen pieces and glued himself back together with his saliva.

Rico wailed even louder as the beans and nog mixed into his bloodstream due to the intense heat.

Kowalski took his own two cheeks and shoved them onto the beans. He sucked everthing up and the death and despair was now within the confines of his penguin being.

"Kowalski: Status!" called Skipper as he flexed his glutes for the camera.

Kowalski looked down and saw that the nog and flames were still mingling with Rico's exterior. "Buttz, dude…" he snarled as he took two hands, went cheekward, and stuck his head into the void. There he saw Tabuu idling about Subspace.

"Who goes there?" said Tabuu.

Kowalski approached and bowed. "I came to seek life for my brother Rico."

Tabuu stroked his chin and then stroked Kowalski's chin because Kowalski had his hands full of giraffe statues.

"I need guts, and lots of 'em, mate," said Kowalski as he puffed up his cheeks and shot out the delectable goodness.

It struck Tabuu and he fell. The end of evil had come.

"I did a good deed," Kowalski basked in his own glory and grabbed Tabuu's butterfly wings. He put them on himself and flew out of the void.

Rico gasped and said something about oatmeal.

"Stinkin' pink guy is what Kirby be!" cackled the evil Private as he smacked his tushy like that one scene from the Sonic X opening. Yeah, you can bet on that, homes.

"Well, I'll be a monkey's cousin… twice removed…" whispered Skipper with a glare. He took out his sniper rifle and shot a nearby bucket. The bucket fell and landed on Rico, extinguishing his flames.

"I love it…" said Private like a freaky girl that plays Roblox.

"Ye…" muttered Kowalski as he arrived from Rico's inner dimension of faith and royalty.

"Well, if it isn't my big brother!" Private said cruelly.

"You lost the right to call me that long ago…" Kowalski then had a flashback about how the four of them were once in their former village in Antarctica. They had to pay the feudal lord money, but ninjas and pirates stole their loot. That's when Kowalski and Private got together and sang "Kumbaya", but Private mouthed the words like a total pleb. Kowalski disowned his evil brother that very day and the flashback ended because the animation crew got paid again.

"Now you fall…" Kowalski growled as he charged up his wings and shot forth the mustard.

Skipper gasped and put his four wings in his ears, exploded, and then reformed on Saturn (yes, that's apparently something he's always been able to do).

Rico saw everything that Kowalski was about to do. He gave his boi one more last fist bump and then flew outside via his modded snowmobile that ran on stinkin' diesel, boyo.

Private took the full force of a star. It could have killed him, but only if he died.

And Private didn't die.

Instead, his biceps got more righteous and his pecky-abby goodness escalated beyond infinity.

Kowalski was mad at Private's attractive luck. "Dartmouth…" he grumbled and then he took to sitting on Private's head and releasing grenades.

This was the end of the vile beast.

This was until he came back in Clone Wars with spider legs.

THE END

 **BTW Rico and Skipper are still good. They got a deal on a new Chevy. I wish I could say the same for the lemurs though…**


End file.
